Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
