totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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