our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
