my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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