Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize