I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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