I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
