i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So here I am, sexting at work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
