Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
