And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
...so i touched it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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