that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.