Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit

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  (937): don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit http://tfl.nu/p5pp
  Replies (18) Good night (3830) Bad night (883)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (1110) Bad night (7156)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

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  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2630) Bad night (24654)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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  (229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (7510) Bad night (1153)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.

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  (914): Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive. http://tfl.nu/oqgn
  Replies (18) Good night (2252) Bad night (2412)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...

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  (906): They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home... http://tfl.nu/s5gn
  Replies (1) Good night (961) Bad night (2049)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.

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  (530): I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims. http://tfl.nu/5fbz
  Replies (7) Good night (2066) Bad night (1148)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again

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  (570): I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again http://tfl.nu/qatr
  Replies (8) Good night (2088) Bad night (736)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted

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  (401): remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted http://tfl.nu/rrq3
  Replies (7) Good night (1496) Bad night (569)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.

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  (+44): Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight. http://tfl.nu/uuv5
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (571)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.

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  (304): You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob. http://tfl.nu/lajt
  Replies (17) Good night (617) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  That should be the title of my autobiography.

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  (716): Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass. (269): That should be the title of my autobiography. http://tfl.nu/pdg7
  Replies (3) Good night (1141) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.

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  (360): I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing. http://tfl.nu/0ouw
  Replies (8) Good night (747) Bad night (486)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned

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  (631): I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned http://tfl.nu/0lg2
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (193)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.

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  (325): I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you. http://tfl.nu/9prb
  Replies (4) Good night (336) Bad night (229)

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