i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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