i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Panties = found
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
