Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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