your thong is hanging out like whoa
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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