How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
