That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
