he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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