i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
