did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
