I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
