Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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