I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
