I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
do nipples grow back?
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