The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
