she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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