Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
