I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
