escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
