have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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