You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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