she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
