just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
