Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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