fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
