you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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