why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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