So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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