that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
