I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
