Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
