i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My ass is underappreciated
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
