i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
