OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
