11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is not my ceiling
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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