The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
