i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
