I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
