I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
