I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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