Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
