I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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