help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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