i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
