i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
