I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
