Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
