I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
