ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
