So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
