One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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