There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
