But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
