Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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