I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize