Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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