Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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