Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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